Friday, November 30, 2012

disappearing act

I'm working in a special needs preschool up here in Logan. One of the little boys in my class has developed a bond with me more than any other child in the class. Even though I try not too, i'm pretty partial to him too. he has spinal bifida and can navigate his miniature wheel chair better than any 3 year old i've ever seen. he holds my hand and plays with me at recess. we go down slides together and he thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. i wish there was a word for his joy, or the joy he brings me. he is just wonderful. Monday comes around this week and i take him out of his wheel chair and set him on the carpet with his legs straight out for circle time. he slowly droops down to where his knees are touching his forehead. He sometimes sits like this when he is shy or doesn't want to participate but usually if someone sits behind him, he'll sit up to participate. (then look back at you every few seconds and smile). This particular day, I couldn't do anything to change his mind about laying his head down on his knees. i thought he was upset with me, and just decided to leave him alone. when circle time was over and i picked him up to put him in his wheel chair i noticed he was asleep. when i picked him up his little arms latched around my neck and he squoze me tight. I stood there for a second and just embraced the squeeze and held him tight and safe. I unhooked his octopus like tentacles around my neck as I put him back in the wheel chair. he was unhappy and made a face at me as i put him down and he closed his eyes again, although this time his wheel chair and the fancy buckles on it forced him to sit up. It made me laugh and i thought in my mind. he's probably thinking, maybe if i close my eyes, i can disappear right now. i helped him to the next rotation and laughed to myself as i thought about how much i am currently doing that in my life right now. closing my eyes and breathing in deep, and hoping i can just disappear to a time a few weeks later.

Reason #351 on why not to plan your wedding while preparing for finals in your first year of your grad program:

Always tired, and there's never enough time.

the little boy taught me a pretty valuable lesson the other day. even though you may not be able to disappear when you close your eyes, it's always worth the try.

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