unjust? or a bigger lesson to be learned?...

he pinned his blue ribbon medal on his chest and it drooped there, too heavy to be supported by a light cotton tee. i should've left then, it would have been better for the both of us at this point if i wasn't even his friend. the happiness he felt caused him to sit as high as he could stretch in his chair. he would crank his neck upward and his hands curled in towards his chest as he described to me so many times the projects he researched that would be there this year, one being on motivation. (his specialty) he saw this as an easy target, and was eager to 'rip it apart when we got to Provo' (in his words) 'to see if this kid really knew what he was talking about'. it was 9:30 a.m. we were planning to be on our way to Provo by now, but the keys to his van were no where to be found. he invited me into his room and he checked the places he could reach while asking me to check the places he couldn't. we were searching and double searching every inch of the apartment. the keys were no where to be found, and the excitement that caused him to sit straight in his chair was slowly leaving. the boy with the blue ribbon was starting to droop like the pin on his chest. we said an audible prayer together, not knowing where else to search. nothing. 10:00, 10:30, 11:05, 11:37. nothing. it was then, that i saw his bed. or perhaps the better word would be NOTICED his bed. for i saw it before, but i didn't notice why it looked so strange. he doesn't sleep on a mattress, but the floor. i'm assuming this is for ease to get into and out of his wheelchair, however no one should have to sleep this way day after day. this realization only lit a deeper determination to make this work, to get him down to provo at any cost. however all my efforts seemed to be worthless. there was only one option left, we could drive my car. with the science fair ending at 3:00pm, and the travel time taking at least 2 hours, my heart was breaking but i wanted to try. i walked the mile or so home to get my car. trying to figure out in my mind how i could make this work. i wanted nothing more but to take him, but knew if we took my car, we would have to use his other wheel chair (the non-motorized one) and we would have to forget about having the ramp and ease of getting him into the car. i would have to lift him into and out of the car. i knew i was not strong enough for that. and that is when i couldn't help but feel selfish, why was i given two legs and a healthy body, while he couldn't simply ride in another car if he couldn't find his keys. the walk was good for me. i called my mom and hoped she would have a solution other than the one i felt was haunting up behind me. i didn't want to have to leave him here. especially not like this. i refused to let myself think of it. but, as i got to my car and drove back to his house, i knew it was the only option. i hate myself for doing this, but i called him up. i was sitting outside of his house, but i couldn't bring my feet to walk in. i couldn't see him with the bad news. i knew it would be the one trigger needed to send my already miserable state to a hiatus of tears and bits of rage of the unjustness i felt for him. so, i took the easy way out. i called him and told him over the phone that i would not be able to take him down this weekend. he said with an almost convincing assurance that it was okay, and that he understands. but then, i added that i wish i could, that i wanted so badly for him to come. he said he knew i did, and that he will talk to me later. his voice cracked on the later and i couldn't stop the tears. 

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conference was everything i needed. although, i feel as if it was selfish of me. i didn't prepare as well as i should, however, i am looking forward to rereading and studying each of the talks this year. many touched  i felt on special people, like Jacob. How wonderful and what a tender mercy for me. i needed the sweet assurance that God knows what Jake is going through now more than ever. It is not a mistake that Jake was born this way, but the best way for God to teach Jake. Or maybe, or rather more likely, the best way that God could teach us through selfless beings like Jake. i couldn't agree more with the statement given by Elder Russell M. Nelson in the Sunday Morning session, "a perfect body is not needed to achieve one's divine destiny, in fact some of the sweetest spirits are housed in frail or imperfect bodies. Great spiritual strength is often developed by people with physical challenges precisely because they are so challenged..."Jake is truly showing me how to achieve one's divine destiny one day at a time. i look up to him in so many ways, and am continually amazed at how big of a role he is playing in my life. i didn't know the day i met him looking for that elevator how much i truly needed him in my life. i don't think i will fully understand his role until much later in life, but as for now, i am grateful the small ways that i can see how he is changing me.